Woe is Us

Damn soothers. Olivia is almost three and a half now and I think you'll agree that is much too old to still be sucking on one of those things, even when it was banished to the bedroom. The idea of a 3+ kid with one might even give you the willies; I know I'd be tisk tisking if I saw her out in public too (I'm so judgmental - sigh). I've been brooding over the soother problem since Olivia turned one, actually, but I always had some excuse why now was never a good time to permanently extract it. And besides, wouldn't she give it up on her own when she's ready? (I suppose I've decided she wouldn't.)

Flashback sequence: last week Olivia went for her first dental appointment.* All is well; no cavities or problems EXCEPT the soother has been pushing her front teeth out in an unfortunate way. They aren't sitting in a straight line but form more of an angle, like this: ^ (only not nearly that dramatic, thank todd; I hadn't even noticed although it is obvious to me now). My dentist said that some kids have this happen from soothers or thumb-sucking, others never do. No need to panic, but she did suggest that, unless we want a huge orthodontist bill, we should think about weening her off the soother soon. I must have looked stricken, because she quickly followed that up with a helpful suggestion.

Turns out that our lovely dentist is in touch with the tooth fairy. When the time is right (and, it seemed, Olivia's time was last Thursday), a young child can place her soothers under her pillow and the tooth fairy will collect them--for redistribution to babies--and leave a smallish toy. Mark and I talked about it, I asked for one more day, and then we presented the idea to Olivia on Saturday morning. Would she like to? YES! Did she understand the ramifications? YES! Was she sure? YES! Seemingly without looking back, she piled eight soothers under her pillow and calmly drifted off too sleep. Too easy, you say? YES!

Sunday she was thrilled to find a new toy and seemed content with the trade. We began to relax.

But Sunday night was horrible. She wanted a soother and wasn't going to stop crying until she got one. Eventually she fell asleep, but kept waking up calling for me during the night. She's done that every night since. Last night she asked Mark to sing her to sleep: "You sing, Daddy, and I'll cwy" and then yesterday she started asking me to please go to the grocery store to buy her more.

/Flashback. Look, I know there's no going back. I don't want to start this again. But I swear, I'm near the breaking point. I'm so tired that caffeine isn't enough, especially this time of the day (I'm horrified to say that I'm on my second delicious coffee drink). Sooo, that all leads to...

HELP! Are we doing the right thing? Will this traumatize her forever? Will she still use a soother at eighteen (or something unimaginatively worse)? I'm too tired to figure this out anymore.

*Liam's been to the dentist before, so he hopped up on the chair while Olivia held back. At this, the hygienist remarked, "You're an expert." Liam corrected her: "I'm an expert, an artist, and an inventor."

Comments

[Andi]

Don't worry too much over this. We took our son's away in the same manner. One night the "fiefie" fairy came and took them all away. The first week was bad, if I remember correctly. He is 20 now. And to my knowledge, there have been no lasting effects.
So just get through this week. Maybe a special treat on the one week mark? Or for not waking you up one night?
Good luck.

[Nadine]

I have no advice for you. Just know that you're doing the right thing, and she will thank you one day for her straight teeth. :) Slap something yucky on her soother? Mustard? Vinegar? Ugh. I've got nothing. Hang in there.

[Jody]

Noooo! I've been worried about taking Adam's away (he's 2.5) and this isn't helping. I like the tooth fairy idea, though. Allie was a piece of cake to wean, of course. I wish I could help (but take notes on what works so I can come crying to you in a few months!).

[Kristin]

Hang in there. She will be okay and so will you guys. Transitions are so hard. Maybe she has a favorite stuffed animal that she doesn't usually sleep with that she might want to sleep with now? One of my friends went through this when her son was around 3ish and it took like 2 weeks. Coffee and naps now...but no braces or trauma later. :)

[Holly Jo]

Stand strong. You can do it. The pediatrician very sternly told my friend whose 3 year old at the time was having dental issues too, "Does your daughter need the pacifier or do you? If the answer is you, then YOU need to step to the plate." It was a long couple weeks, but they did it. She is a very well adjusted sixth grader now. ;)

I wish I could whisk you a nice frappucino. I hate, hate, hate those long nights. She'll pass out at some point, right?

Oh, I never heard of the tooth fairy thing. That is so freaking awesome. Better than the throwing away at the garbage with cheering, which is what we did.

[Stacey]

Wow...I have no kids, so I've got nothin'.
Love the idea of the tooth fairy though. Too bad that didn't stick!

Hey...maybe you should just get Olivia hooked on coffee instead?

Kidding.

[Judy]

Even though Olivia doesn't appreciate the goal.....Go Olivia Go. You can do it! You're almost there. Your Mom & Dad are the best!

[Suebd]

Kath- lots of good support out there. Remember when Olivia was a daytime soother-user? On our beach day I never saw it even once, so she must be very close. But just to reassure you, I think you have a bit of time. Ask your dentist about primary teeth (straight or a little askew) and their relationship to how secondary teeth come in.

[Cathi]

I do not envy you- we took Sean's away....I can't remember when. He was restricted to only using it for sleep time, though. Which, really, is the hardest time to take it away. I'm so sorry that this is so hard- all I can say is that when it seems hardest, you're probably getting close to when it will be easier.

We're coming up on this ourselves, with Tess and her thumb. I am dumbfounded as to how we're going to do it, as it seems that cutting off her thumbs isn't an option.

[Kari]

You are doing the right thing. I know its hard. We are getting Harry off the night bottle now.

[KimK]

Oh, poor thing -- both of you. I have to say that you probably are doing the right thing, that she is not going to be traumatized, and that you will be sending very mixed messages if you give in.

I'm sure this transition is just awful for you guys, but I'm also sure it will be over soon and you will be glad you finally just did it.

(hugs)

[Mo]

Our daughter sucked her thumb until sh was 12. The dentist even put in a bracket with prongs on it and all that did was give her a callus. She would walk around the house with only one hand available to do things because the thumb was always in her mouth. And yes she had braces and 4 teeth extracted but the other two had braces also. Anyway, she will be 25 in May and has no scars that I know of.

Mo

[Karma]

Oh gosh. I don't have anything helpful to say. I mean, I even *tried* to get Amelie to take a pacifier when she was an infant, in hopes that it would then help her accept a bottle when I was going back to work, and she never did like the paci. But when I read Liam's proclamation to the dental hygienist, I laughed so hard. What a great boy!

[Sarah]

I know you've won this battle already, but I heard this ingenious little solution from a friend. If you take the pacifier to Build-a-Bear, apparently you can have them put the thing INTO the bear, so that they never have to be parted from it. They just can't put it in their mouths. I guess it worked for her daughter. Prolly depends on the kid, however....

[Jenna Schrock]

Liam's such a cutie-patootie! Oh, I'd love to squish those chubby cheeks. My son, Elijah, used soothers for quite a long time too. And yeah, it broke my heart whenever I say no. But eventually, he survived the soother era. You just have to stay strong in this. After all, it's Olivia's health that matters.