Well, you may not be surprised to hear this, but I haven't been doing all that well lately. To-be-expected not well, out-of-touch-and-hermitting not well, a smidge-bit-manic-and-a-smidge-bit-depressive not well (although as I say that I point you back to the phrase to be expected). But, for some reason, I'm feeling much better as of last weekend, so I thought I'd tune in and let you all know that I'm still here, if any of you are still out there to hear it.
I went home for the last week my Dad was alive. It was a very good visit. I got to take care of him a bit, which is something I'm very grateful for. He was very much himself and lots of friends and family were around, so it was a week full of visits and stories. I wanted to be there at the end, but I believe he didn't want James or I there as he died in a rare moment when we weren't around. I came home for a few days and then Mark, Liam, Olivia, and I went back to Nova Scotia for the funeral. I didn't take any pictures, but my brother's girlfriend did (thank you Sam). Here is James with the kids and me on the day of the funeral.
We were in Nova Scotia for a week, have been back for almost three weeks now, and I've really been out of touch with every thing and every body ever since. I'm about a month behind on all the blogs I read, so I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting lately. I've really not been online very much at all (not even to Ravelry) and I haven't been paying much attention to the phone either. Like I said: hermitting (hermiting? I'm not sure how to spell this word I made up).
Thank all of you for your sweet comments on my last post. I did read them all as they appeared.
One reason I haven't been posting is that I have been lacking the relative optimism that I had after my mom died. Some good things have happened, but they have honestly been overwhelmed by my sadness. Also, Liam is having a difficult time coping with this second loss in so few months. Add to that a LOT of travel and separations from me (it's never good when the four of us aren't together) and it equals a huge fear of monsters that has him afraid to sleep at night. So I suppose I've been overwhelmed by sheer exhaustion as well.
Some books that we've gotten have helped. We aren't religious people, so we really lacked the stories that bring kids comfort (well, adults too, I guess), but we found some that we are comfortable with. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is completely non-religious, although it does talk about being part of something bigger (uh...the tree). In Badger's Parting Gifts Badger goes down a tunnel, but the book is really about the parts of people that we carry with us. But Liam's favorite (and mine) has been The Mountains of Tibet, which offers reincarnation as an option - with many choices - and I think makes Liam feel more in control. Speaking of which, Go Away Big Green Monster has also been read a lot lately around here.
Little fun things like Popsicles on the deck seem to help too.
Not a lot of knitting has gone on. My friend Kelly told me once that she can tell how stressed I am by how much knitting I'm doing: more stress = more knitting. I haven't knit at all over the last month (who knows what that means) but I did cast on for a new project on the weekend. I had too; I was attending a knitting event. But more on that next time.
And next time will be much sooner, I promise.
