Fuzzy Love

There and Back Again

I haven't posted recently because I've either been getting ready for a trip, away on a trip, or recovering from said trip. I went back to Halifax (for the fourth time this year) to visit primarily my mom, although other family members snuck in some time as well. I don't really feel like getting into how my mom is doing, but I will tell you about the trip.

I took Olivia with me, but left Liam behind. This literally gave me some sleepless nights. Olivia is still nursing, so of course she had to come. Besides, I'm not sure how I would have handled this trip without at least one of my children to keep in a security blanket strangle hold the whole time. But with Mark's new job (and, therefore, a lack of vacation days), he couldn't come and I knew I couldn't handle both kids on my own: although Olivia can be plopped down pretty much anywhere with a bowl full of kitchen utensils, Liam requires planned entertainment that was outside of my ability to provide.

All the same, I was worried that Liam would feel left out or unfavored or in some way be horribly deprived due to five days of motherlessness. I shouldn't have worried; While I was aching for him, he barely knew I was gone. This was largely made possible by a timely visit from Mark's parents on their annual drive through to Scottsdale ("Oh, by the way, Olivia and I won't be here this year; do you mind watching Liam for twelve hours a day?"). Liam had a busy visit with them that included the kind of spoiling that only comes from grandparents (popcorn dinners, new toys). Although he did make time to speak to me on the telephone each day, the calls were brief since the action around him (even if it was just that popcorn) was more enticing. And, since much communication with a three-year-old requires some lip-reading, body language, and, most importantly, context, those calls just left me with a greater longing to be home.

Not that I didn't want to be visiting; I just found this trip more difficult since my little core family was split across three thousand miles. But it was good to see the extended family. I stayed with my grandparents, even though they are in their eighties and I didn't want to be trouble to them. Of course I asked them not to do anything special and of course they did. Every day I'd toss our dirty clothes into a corner of their guest room and every afternoon they'd appear, cleaned and neatly folded, back in my suitcase. And no matter where I was at mealtime (even when they were clearly informed that I'd be out for dinner), a plate would be waiting for me when I returned.

Olivia and I were in and out a lot, since she still naps twice a day. Mom isn't really mobile, so we'd pop up to visit my mom and then race back for a nap, then back again for another visit and race back again. By the end of the trip I packed Olivia's pajamas for our evening visits so she'd fall asleep in the car and I could just pop her into bed. This, of course, was tough on Olivia (and, frankly, on me) and she was about as clingy as she could possibly be. Other than a dicey ten seconds with my brother, Olivia was not held by anyone other than myself the entire trip. Nor was she outside of my sight except when she slept (not even for a shower - then she would sit on the floor of the bathroom and play with my makeup). But she did begin to warm up to a few people by the end of the trip, most notably my mother, whom Olivia covered with kisses one day.

An additional note on flying: Olivia and I took the red-eye on the way out. It wasn't so bad, actually, since we both slept most of the way and the plane rides just flew by (sorry). But even under those circumstances she was not completely silent, which is exactly what all passengers on red-eyes expect you to be. So we made a few people just a little bit grumpy (although they obviously weren't thinking that I too had to stay awake just to get Olivia asleep and then all subsequent sleeping for me would happen with a baby on my lap). And, just for the record, each and every airport on earth should be required to have a bookstore, a Starbucks, a toy store, and a playground. So there.

By Request

The two main complaints I get about this site are that I don't post enough and that there aren't enough pictures of my mom (here's a hint: I don't see my mom that often). So, mostly out of guilt that I didn't take many pictures my last trip home, here's a bonus post entitled Mom - A Retrospective. Enjoy.

Sometime in the sixties.

On her wedding day (1970).

With my dad at his graduation (after wedding, before me).

With little me (1975 - such a happy time).

With little James (1977).

With her kids (James' first birthday - 1978).

On my wedding day (1998).

Okay, some people out there better be happy (and sorry Mom, I know you're probably horrified).

Oh, the third big request is for additional fuzzy content on this site. So, just to make him happy, is a picture of my brother and his cat.

And - totally unrelated and just for fun - here's Mark in the eighties.* I think he's putting on a "record" (note the raised collar and the gold bracelets).

*But honestly, he was pretty cute, wasn't he?

Back Again: Part One

A lot of newsworthy stuff has happened since my last post, so it might take a while to get you all caught up. Most importantly, Mom has had no significant tumor growth since her last MRI two months ago. The chemo is apparently working (it was given at 25% chance of doing so). And although she still has symptoms, every little bit of time gives those doctors with brain-cancered mice time to work something helpful out.

Other less significant good news (with details to follow) is that Liam has been accepted into pre-school. Thank god. And Olivia will now take a bottle. But more on that later. First up: pictures from home (and there are lots).

This trip was more low-key than the last one. We really didn't do much at all, other than hang around at my mom's house and make trips to the grocery store. We didn't really eat out; I cooked. And although Mark did take Liam out to a museum once, almost all our time was spent quietly with my mom.

And my grandmother had recovered enough to be able to hold Olivia for the first time.

And my grandfather cuddled her too.

I even coerced my mother and grandmother to take a picture of all us generations of women. A few shots were taken, and in every one someone (or multiple someones) looks pained or as if she is about to bolt. Why do we all hate pictures of ourselves so much? And of course I forgot to prop Olivia up so her face would show (she was sleeping).

We tried to keep things interesting for Liam, though, for everyone's sake. One day he and Mom dyed Easter eggs; on another day they made a bunny cake.

The eggs were hard boiled; note that many of them had many cracks.

And the bunny cake looked more like a bunny before the mini eggs got involved. Well, until Liam and the mini eggs got involved. The poor bunny looks a bit mutant-y at this point. Those blue eggs are the eyes.

But most of them got eaten off the cake shortly after this picture anyway.

On our last day we went for a walk in Point Pleasant Park, which isn't far from downtown Halifax. It has a beach and lots of trees and room to run, so I've been wanting to take Liam there for a while. Although he's seen the ocean many times, this was his first time on a beach, and he was very excited about it. Too excited, actually.

I had announced upon arrival, "Liam, this is your first beach!" which led him to believe that it was actually his beach. Other people who walked on it were firmly told, "No people, my beach!" But, besides that, it was entertaining for quite some time to throw rocks and periwinkles into the water.

Now, this being the heavily polluted Halifax Harbour, we promptly disinfected him and proceeded with our walk. We wouldn't have gone at all if we had seen the high tide line earlier: it was marked by the usual seaweed, mussel shells, and hundreds of plastic tampon applicators.

What I loved best about this park as a kid (besides the old-growth forest) were the old forts all along the water. Back then, we would climb all over them like a big stone jungle gym. Loved it. But I guess they are technically historical buildings, and now they've all been enclosed in huge chain-link fences. Detracts a bit from the atmosphere, let me tell you.

But still, on this day I got to show Liam the Halifax I love, full of history and surrounded by the ocean, and I'm glad he enjoyed it.

And we got to share it with my mom.

We're Back

Barely. I'm still exhausted. But we had a nice visit. We got to spend lots of time with my Mom, even though we brought lots of chaos into her life and I think we made her tired, she still insists that she misses us. We miss her. And here's the reason why we went:

(stamps on noses) and

(cuddles while bowling) and just

That middle picture of my mom with Olivia was taken while bowling (hey, we thought it sounded like fun) right after we had our portraits done. We were all in black tops and jeans (except my brother, who had the good sense to get changed), so we must have looked like a very inept and dorky bowling team. Even Olivia had a little black t-shirt, which I thought would be hard to find in baby sizes, but it wasn't.

But I must record for prosperity what happened on our flight home. Getting from there to here takes a long time and two airplanes and a layover. Liam was a good little guy, but by the end of the second flight he was still napless and a bit cranky, so I did my usual fill-him-up-with-milk thing just to keep him quiet for a minute. And so he was quiet and what happened happened without warning. So, about forty-five minutes out of DIA, he was standing in front of his chair, playing with something, when he suddenly threw up all over himself and the chair and the floor. Then he did it again. And again. It took me a second to process what I was seeing and remember the barf bags in the seat back, so by the time I had one out and open, he was done and puke was everywhere and Liam was trying not to panic and saying, "Yucky Mommy!"

So you know what you do when your toddler throws up all over an airplane? You strip your toddler down to his diaper and his socks and you send him to the back of the plane, where your husband stands with your baby and pretends he doesn't know you. Each flight attendant brings you one or two damp paper towels with which you are expected to clean up about a gallon of puke. When you lock yourself and your son into the bathroom to give him a sponge bath, the flight attendants remove your seats (the whole thing) and switch it out with the back row that's always empty. And they sprinkle the floor with coffee grounds, which does a surprisingly good job of disguising the smell.

And, as it always is on airplanes, some people are incredibly sympathetic and others look at you as if they wish a trap door in the floor would open beneath your feet so you would fall to your death.

Moral of this story: watch what your kid eats when you travel. And always pack an extra outfit in your carry on.

Anyway, I have a few pictures that were taken at an excellent children's museum in Halifax that I can't remember the name of. It's one of those hands-on places. (The Discovery Centre, Mark tells me).

Liam loved it there. Olivia slept through the whole thing.

And I leave you with Liam in a bubble.

Photos From the Homeland

But first, a story. Liam has been sleeping in my brother's old twin bed here. Only six weeks (give or take) in a big boy bed and already he's a pro, except he occasionally falls out. At home we have a padded rail that keeps him securely in bed, but here we don't (well, we didn't), so some trouble was expected. And last night the poor kid fell out flat on his face onto the hardwood. It took a long time to calm him down, partly because of the pain and partly because I turned on a bright light to check out the damage. Of course Olivia woke up in all the kerfuffle and was hungry, so Mark took over with Liam while I nursed her in our bed.

Once Liam calmed down (which took a while), Mark did a little inventory: "Does your nose hurt? Does your chin hurt?" and Liam replied with a teary "Nooooo" to all questions. Finally Mark asked, "So, nothing hurts but your ego then?" He hit the nail on the head with that question, apparently, because Liam started wailing, "Yeth! My ego! Fix it my ego!" and he was back in full-fledged upset mode again: "My egooooooooo!" Mark finally calmed him down with milk sprinkled with "ego medicine," aka bath salts (just pretend sprinkled, of course).

Also, by the time Liam was calm and quiet (meaning asleep), Mark came back to bed to find Olivia and I had fallen asleep right in the middle of it. Rather than wake us both up, he crawled back into the little twin bed with Liam and finished the night there. He was in such a good mood this morning from the quality sleep he got that he ran right out and bought Liam a bed rail.

So let me introduce you to some home folks.

That's my mom in the middle, Meredith with Olivia, and Cameron.

That's mom with the fairy godmothers: Barb, Judy, and Nancy.

Olivia again with Cameron, Meredith, and Alex.

Olivia just pushes into all the pictures, doesn't she? That's her with James.

And Liam with Sam.

Olivia with my Nana.

And my Grandad.

This last one is in a fort here that looks a lot like a castle (big moat). Since today was unseasonably warm, we thought we could visit it and see the soldiers, but it turned out that unseasonably warm here is still really bloody cold, so we didn't stay long. 

Well...

There's no avoiding this subject, so I'll tell you about it now and get it out of the way. Liam is asleep upstairs (he seems to be getting into a routine somehow) and Olivia is asleep on my lap, so there's no time like the present.

My mom was diagnosed with brain cancer in early 2003 and, after surgery and multiple rounds of chemo, it has come back recently with a vengeance. She will begin another round of chemo shortly, and more surgery is being discussed, but things are looking a bit grim. We live far from home, and obviously we would rather be there right now, but little Olivia doesn't have a birth certificate yet, let alone a passport. Those items will be put on rush order and we will be heading up to my home town in Canada ASAP. I don't know what else to say other than: this sucks.

Well, here are some pictures so this entry isn't totally awful.

B-Strong

Finally, someone made something to support brain cancer. Now, I'm all for curing breast cancer, but there are other types of cancer out there (and you can buy pink anything). So a young woman from Ontario, Lindsay Bolger, designed these caps after being diagnosed with brain cancer earlier this year. You can obviously see the blue B on the front, and they say B-Strong on the back. Mom bought a couple for Mark and I, and they arrived today. Liam immediately appropriated both of them.

The caps are a small business, but you can get one by emailing her parents. And the caps are only $15 Canadian (that translates to cheap in American).

We All Moved; Liam Turned One

I know, it's been a looooong time since I last posted. My sincere apologies. Actually, they aren't that sincere. Since I last posted, we've moved, and that was a lot of work. And we did it pretty quickly too. We got an offer on the house (for which we are very grateful) that required that we be out in about two weeks. So we were. I'm glad it's all over. We are now settled into a smaller (read: cheaper) home about a mile west of our old house. Now that we are a bit settled, it feels really good to be here.

Last weekend, my mom arrived here in Denver for a visit. She is here for two weeks, which you'd think would be long enough (or way too long, in some cases), but it isn't. She and Liam are doing some major bonding.

And yesterday, we celebrated Liam's first birthday. It was a good day, although he tried to make it a napless one. He started out with some time on the deck in a playhouse that Leslie handed down to us before she left for Florida. We've been letting our old neighbors use it all this time (they actually had kids, so it made sense) and we just got it back, so it was as good as a present to Liam.

He got lots of wonderful gifts, and he also enjoyed the cards, the envelopes they came in, and the gift bags.

His big present from us (his parents) was this pint-sized chair. He does seem to like it, as he seems to think sitting in any chair (except his high chair) is pretty funny. He has already figured out that he can reach high things while standing in it. Too bad that it's a rocking chair and kinda tipsy.

He also got some new outfits, which he seemed pretty happy about.

And he likes to put his new koala bear in his wagon and push it around (really, he does that).

We are having a little party for him tomorrow, and he'll have a big cake then, but we couldn't resist giving him a birthday cupcake.

Of course it needed a candle, but then what do you do with it? It's not like he'll blow it out. Mom and I both ended up holding his arms while he stared at it in wonder (disgust?) and Mark took a picture.

He liked it.

So this post is mostly pictures. We'll get back on track tomorrow. There are more birthday pictures to show you, but we must pace ourselves.

Beautiful News

We got the best news today: my mom got the results of her MRI back and there has been no growth of the tumor. None. She doesn't even have to go back for another test until September. So we can't stop smiling around here.

Here's something to make you smile. It's for those of you who have ever been laid off, are worried about being laid off, or kinda wish you'd be laid off (I'm talking to you Qwesties out there). Odd Todd. Just click start and enjoy.

I hope you had a great day too.